watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
