Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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