I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
