All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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