Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
