I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
