Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
