I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
