he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
