My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
