I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
