I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
