Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
wow bdsm is so cute
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize