i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
