I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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