Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
