low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
