JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sext me about skeletons
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
