Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Be still, my beating vagina.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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