dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's shark week go big or go home
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
