He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize