Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
