weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
