question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This baby is an asshole
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
