he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Ketchup is God's man juice
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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