I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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