I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
