please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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