I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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