Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
