it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
