So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
