don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
