wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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