I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
