I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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