He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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