I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
