I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
