i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
