you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
