I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
