1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
