I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
