i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
