Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
