I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
