so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
