Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
