Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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