The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
