the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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