im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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