porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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