Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
