I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
