so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
