whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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