Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
