that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
