How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
