Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
