you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
