he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My ass is underappreciated
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
